Addicted to Achievement

Achievement is something that as a psychologist, I would see through Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. The theory and principles of which are depicted above in an image. The pyramid shows the needs and drives that govern our lives. Achievement as opposed to the lower primal instincts and drives is a higher, more complex, self esteem based need.

Achievement can work as an incentive. The need to grow, to be respected, to gain recognition, to gain fame, to reach goals, to progress in career or any other attainment based motive can drive one towards achieving things.

We often fear what would happen if our children drop out, do not achieve what is required for a certain profession or admission to specific colleges. Stop right there. The pressure and bulldozing emerges from a herd mentality to compete and push our children like trained animals to achieve beyond their capacity at times. Be rational and practical in your expectations towards achievement. Target realistic goals.

Did you drop out or did a child drop out due to personal issues, learning difficulty, pressure or some other reason? In most cases time helps resolves their conflict and they get back to something they love. Overcompensation is a process where an individual tries to make up for something lost, inadequate or their so called mistakes. They internalize dropping out and try to make up for it. It becomes a drive. One step of success in that path will only encourage them to take up higher goals or newer interests or a job or work towards achieving something else.

Failures, setbacks, road blocks, slow growth, indifference and dropping out can be phases in some cases. This does not mean you should overlook and be complacent about it. Look up stories on google about drop outs, about those who achieved late in life or had a break through. A few examples I can name here are Mark Zuckerberg, Oprah, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Walt Disney, Brad Pitt, Abraham Lincoln and Lady Gaga. Draw inspiration from other examples. Aim to achieve, be it as a grass root level or something within your reach. Use it to fuel that drive to achieve again. Don't let the need die. You never know!

How do you fuel this drive of addiction towards achievement? Let the individual be comfortable and free. Give them time and space. Let them work out their own issues. Let them find their own way by facilitation or with the help of a support system or professional. Let them pursue what they really wish to. Most underdogs and early failures emerge as greater success stories and super-cede their competitive peers in due course of time. 


Image source- Creative Commons image search. Disclaimer- this is not meant to be a professional consultation session and is in no way directional or a substitute for professional help. This blog and its contents are personal reflections similar to an open diary, in the form of thought snippets. 

Gratitude - Count your blessings

I remember singing a hymn during my school days in Bishop Cotton Girls' School, a hymn they choose a little too often for our morning assemblies. I realize the true worth of those golden lines, everyday, these days, when I counsel clients.

The lines were- "Count your blessings, name them one by one, Count your blessings, see what God has done. Count your blessings, name them one by one, Count your many blessings, see what God has done. And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."

I suppose these very lines are something that we need to be reminded of ever so often. We are unhappy for the silliest of reasons- because we did not become famous at 21, do not look like photo shopped models on TV, don't earn as much as the CEO of Facebook does, don't own 50 properties by the time our midlife crisis hits us like a bus or something else among a million lines that start with 'what if' and 'I could not'.

Life is short. Everything we achieve here is ephemeral. We can choose to accept, acknowledge, be grateful for and be contented with what we are blessed with or we can look the other way and stay unhappy and make everyone else unhappy around us. Like rot or fungus that spreads out. Misery loves company right?

What's wrong with good old contentment and living for ourselves than trying to prove something to someone else who doesn't matter? or try to achieve something beyond what we are destined to ? or compare yourself to every other person and feel small? What is the point of self deprecation and setting unreasonably unattainable standards and targets and then feeling bad about not reaching that benchmark?

To see a glass filled half way and either say its half full or half empty. That cliche line applies even today- what will it be? Better to bite off only as much as we can chew, right? To live and follow what truly makes us happy. To bear practicality in mind and save for those rainy days. To achieve whats within our limits and most of all to be happy for what we have rather than being sad for the million things we don't.

Count your blessings so far, name them one by one, and it will surprise you as to what you already have been blessed with that you once only wished, prayed, fantasized and dreamt of having. There is not much to lose by being grateful for what we have, rather a lot to gain from gratitude, isn't it?

- Dr Rathi Prabhu


Image source and credit:- a facebook post shared by a friend.